Urge.....

I was never aware I was trying so hard to change my life style. I was very happy in MY small world, Dad was the one who was there to protect me all the time, he was my financier. I was happy with what ever I had, but as I started my carrier I started hearing new words gross salary, taxation , bonus etc. My life was beautiful without this "URGE" for money when I was young. But what is happening with me now?

I always felt being kiddish will make me look happy, I don't mind hiding my sadness and pain inside but never i would like to share it with someone. As I started my carrier my capabilities my innovations started growing, what was in that world, it bought change in me? I questioned myself, is it really right to be so?

Competition was between us from the days when we were kid, but what is happening now, is not at all healthy.
I see people cribbing all the time for grades which is never permanent. Need money, need position, need professional growth, but what for all this? To prove to society that "I'm also one among" !!!


I never wanted make Money as priority in my life but now I feel ashamed of myself, may be the responsibilities are making me go towards it but is it really right? I search new opportunities often and look for royalty of company, its comforts, offers etc. But is this what i really need? I was very soft enough to ignore such in initial days of my carrier, But am I the same now?


I think a lot on the same topic, I never find a solution. I fight with my own mind and soul. Both are off course opposite. Here its a choice between your dreams and ambition. Dreams are not just illusions right? I wanted to achieve something best in my life which satisfy my inner self. But the situations and my position making me greedy.


I always had an ambition that i must be Independent women in my life stand on my own principles but whole society works in a way that there is no respect for others principles, follow what is already followed by others and people are not ready to change few of it. I don't go against it but if I am given a chance I would like to create a change.



I started reaching lonely world due to my professionalism, lost touch with friends, just being on Face book, G-talk doesn't bring that happiness which you really have when you are live with friends. Last week I happened to meet my college friends trust me that was one of the best weekend I ever had.... They all made me realize how am i supposed to be :)
 

My family and friends are closest part of my life, I was never aware that Carrier would also take a part in it.

I wanna enjoy the rain, I wanna sing song and enjoy the moments with my loved one. But I have been so busy with carrier that I always think of Work and Studies all the time. I want to make myself free from all this at least for a while, to enjoy those moments, but is it possible? I wanna get back to my child hood days,but I am forced to grow older to gain the new positions, but after all these when I reach back home and sit alone and think of what am I really achieved i see only one answer, my Urge for money and position is still growing........... :(